Home Decor

Being the best friend of Lacoste's bedding designer has furthered my obsession for duvet covers and other home decor products.  I love redecorating and would DIE to move to a bigger apartment in my building just so that I can start a new decorating project.  As for bedding I have two favorites right now.  My Lacoste pillow cases which are oh so soft, and my lacoste sweatshirt blanket is amazing, sometimes I open all of my windows just so that I can wrap myself up in it!

However, I have come to the conclusion that 6 duvet covers may be enough, so it might be time to move on to something else to decorate my apartment.  A while back I painted one wall in my apartment, an accent wall if you will.  Like all people who paint...the color wasn't exactly what I was going for.  Or maybe it was, but now I am ready for a change.  I want to paint my entire apartment in either Benjamin Moore's Lemon Ice or Pale Straw.  In fact I had a plan, over my winter break I was going to paint over my "not the accent I wanted wall" and all of the other walls, but then I fell in love with the apartment I wasn't allowed to move into.  So by the time I was told that they would prefer a stranger living in that apartment, rather than a good tenant, my vacation was long over. (A month long over to be exact, nothing like a NYC apartment to make you wait by the phone...I am beginning to think that my management company was "just not that into me"  in fact I'm quite certain that I could get Jake Gyllenhaal to call me back before my management company.) 

So now, I either have to go the "Weekend Warrior" route or wait until summer to paint.  If you know me, you know I am impatient, so I started to look online for some alternatives and I came up with something I had thought of a while ago to accent my walls.  Wall decals, used as either wall art or as wall paper for another accent wall.  I have a small wall near my dinning room table and I have been dying to get a certain look in my apartment that makes that part of my apartment look more like a formal but trendy dinning room area (the kind of space that would have a black chandelier with clear or red crystals dripping off it)  I was thinking of a black design like a Fleur de Lis or Damask or something.  The best things about these decals is that they are easily removable, they are easy to put up and they take WAY less time than painting or putting up wallpaper!  Oh, and you can even get them cheap at places like Target!!  (or you can google Wall Decals, there are a zillion specialized websites that have wall decals)

Friday the 13th!

9 out of 10 people agree: Punxsutawney Phill is 100 times scarier than Jason.

So today is Friday the Thirteenth...and I'm wondering, was Friday the 13th as scary before Jason died at Crystal Lake? In my opinion Thursday the 12th was much more terrifying this month than the 13th was. Doesn't that sort of make sense though? If Friday the 13th is bad luck then consequently all of the other days of that month also must be bad luck too right? It wouldn't be Friday the 13th with all of those other days. I mean clearly, since Thursday the 12th was so bad for me this week I can only assume that every Thursday the 12th must also be bad luck...it is, after all, the day that leads us up to the famed Friday the 13th, how can it not have a little bad luck attached to it? If anything Saturday the 14th HAS to be unlucky as well because there is surely some left over bad luck that needs to spill into the next day.

Anyhow, anything that could have gone wrong did go wrong yesterday. We can start off the day with my insane chapped lips. Anyone who knows me knows that I am addicted to my chapstick, but yesterday was a little out of control, I needed to reapply every 5 minutes. (By the way...chapstick is additive, it does contain alcohol, and I am pretty sure that my lips no longer know how to hydrate themselves on their own anymore). They my foot nearly gets broken on my way off the bus. (Although, those of you who think that all New Yorkers are mean and rude, you clearly haven't met the woman who gave me a bunch of tissues when I started crying) Then my printer breaks, and then I can't find the right file to send in an email to have someone else print it for me...and then...do I really need to go on? I mean, CLEARLY...it was a bad day!

So what was it? The chicken or the egg? Did Jason make Friday the 13th terrifying or did the idea of Friday the 13th make Jason a terrifying movie? I Googled it, but I was not able to find a concrete answer. I google everything, and I am sort of like Google too...well at least to a couple of my friends. My friend Ilana insists on calling me for everything. She asks me about anything from information on sharks to information on Punxsutawney Phil. (Although, I am pretty sure that everyone knows that Punxsutawney Phil lives in the state of Pennsylvania. He has his own website for Christ's sake!)

What's with that stupid groundhog anyways? I think that all of this doesn't make sense, if Phil sees his shadow shouldn't we assume that spring is coming soon? I mean, isn't sun part of spring? Doesn't the sun cause a shadow? I hate that Groundhog! He doesn't even have any courage, he is scared of his own shaddow and HE didn't bit the mayor...no that was the Staten Island groundohog...'cause that's how NY do! However, if you think about it there is some sense to the groundhog seeing his shadow this month...it's the curse of Friday the 13th, everyday in the month is cursed. 6 more weeks of winter? Who really likes winter? I'm going to google "groundhog murder" now...

R.I.P. WeeBay

Hmmm....maybe naming my fish after a drug dealer who is serving a life sentence for murder wasn't the best idea. I can't imagine why...But then again, you don't see many people naming their children Hitler either...so in retrospect maybe it wasn't the best idea.

WeeBay....died. I found him Friday night laying in the rocks in his bowl, which wasn't too odd considering he had been laying on a flower in his tank the night before...but apparently, this time it was in fact a trip to the big sea in the sky instead of an award winning acting job like last time.

I told my mom and she felt very badly for me. I thought that a pair of Puma's would make me feel all better, but apparently a trip to the mall on the first nice day of this winter just wasn't in the cards for me. Instead my mom and I went to a fish store and bought another fish. Actually we bought two...one for me, and one for my copycat mom. I toyed with the idea of naming this fish Bodie from The Wire...but considering that he met his untimely death when being shot in the head coupled with the fact that WeeBay didn't make it past 7 months I decided to stray away from The Wire.

I named him after another murderer (I didn't learn my lesson), but at least this one murders for the greater good! Dexter (from Dexter) is the new addition to my household. I tried to get my mom to name her fish Miguel Prado, but she refuses to name her fish. She worries that if she names her fish she will become too attached to it. I am not sure what point there is to having a pet if you wont name it and don't want to become attached to it.

Much like WeeBay, Dexter won't eat...but I think this is because he senses something went terribly wrong in his bowl before he called it his home and he is trying to decide if someone needs to be punished for this. (I'm hoping that he doesn't think I'm the murder...murder by fish doesn't sound that great of a way to end your life.)

Maybe Puma's would make Dexter feel better! You know what? I think they will...Nordstroms online here I come!! (FYI I am blaming this purchase on Rebecca Bloomwood's Confessions of a Shopaholic character...it just seems so easy!!

He's Just Not That Into You Part II

Again, I have to say...this book is the work of the Devil. Who else would write a book that would make an already paranoid group of people (women) even more paranoid? I wonder what Greg Behrendt gets out of the deal? Fame? Fortune? Sex and the City rights? A major motion picture? Jen Aniston as your lead (by the way does anyone else find this sort of mean. You cast a women who is unlucky in love in a movie about a woman being unlucky in love. Hollywood, stop typecasting please, it's just becoming mean) This sounds to me like the work of the devil. (Especially that whole Jen Aniston bit).

But what about SHE'S just not that into you? I already told you, I'm just not that into the book, but what about guys who are just as clueless? It seems from the book that guys are given a free pass for all of their bad behavior if in turn we as women recognize that they are just not into us, or not the right guy for us. But is it still okay for them to behave in such a way? For instance, according to the book, if a guy doesn't call me anytime other than after 2:00am he's just not that into me (okay in all fairness he is into me, just not into me in a relationship way), but then are we saying it's okay for guys to do this? It's alright, but we need to dump them? And clearly, since it is poor behavior, and unacceptable, this isn't a habit that we should pick up...but why not? The guys get away with it, why not us?

Case in point...if a guy leaves an ambiguous message on your cell phone that could be construed as a ploy to get you to go out with him, or could simply just be wondering what place you order Sushi from...as girls are we allowed to not call back if we think that we might get pressured into a date? I mean...shouldn't he just get it? SHE'S just not that into you. What girl would do this though? In what world would this be the right thing to do for a girl? That was my rationale...but if a guy would react in this way then aren't they sort of expecting either interest or just a blatant ignore...things that they normally do?

Once again, my life is turning head over foot in this whole He's Just Not That Into You battle, is the book genius? Does it promote bad boy behavior while at the same time teach girls good manners, and what do our manners even matter if boys are expecting us to respond like them? Of course...I hate the book...and of course...I am going to see the movie...I mean, did you expect anything less? The movie actually looks a bit better than the book, which hardly ever happens so I am expecting to not totally hate it. Confessions of a Shopaholic on the other hand I am not too sure about. Did anyone else notice that this movie is about 3 of the Shopaholic books all rolled into one? It's surely going to cause confusion. (It's also going to most likely cause my credit card to hemorrhage. The books gave me a compulsion to shop that I have only just recently gotten over, and I have a feeling that it will be coming back like the head cold I have had since December 12th...God Save my Credit Card!!)

So this is what I think everyone should do...if you are a women dating a guy that's just not that into, or you suspect that he is just not that into, or he simply forgets to buy you flowers on Saturday...I say you take him to see a double feature of He's Just Not That Into You and Confessions of a Shopaholic. Just make sure to pump him full of some sort of time released tranq that wont take effect until the previews are over, make sure that he can still watch the movie, but can't run out of there like Carl Lewis. Even if the movie is good...chances are you have tortured him enough for you to get over being mad!

He's Just Not That Into You Oldie But Goodie

He’s Just Not That Into You…the work of the devil himself.

Want to read a book by Satan ladies? I really never wanted to read this book, my gut reaction told me not to, but of course I gave in like most girls would because I just needed to know all the secrets of the male mind! I mean if I could figure out if a guy liked me before putting in all the leg work (and I don’t mean only showing a little leg, but also all the emotional work that goes into getting a boy as well!) imagine all the time that I would not have to waste! I just had to read the book didn’t I? My first gut instinct screamed, “NO DON’T READ IT!! You think you are paranoid now? Why not read a book that makes you overanalyze EVERY little thing a guy says and does! Oh yeah that will do wonders for your social life!” Look, I won’t lie, I have a semi-compulsive personality, and so this book was an even worse idea for me to read!

Wasting time on a pointless relationship is every girl’s worst nightmare, putting time, effort and feelings into it and then eventually getting nothing out of it, could you really think of anything worse?! I mean think of all those countless hours spent driving by his place with your friends. All of that for nothing? (Once again I must digress and think my lovely friend saying, “His light is on! Where is he?! Why isn't he calling me?”) Who wouldn’t want to know the secrets that might save all of us some wasted time…however, every story has two parts to it, yes I will learn all of the “secrets of the male mind”, but am I really supposed to know these things? Will it help me at all, or will it just be an example what happens when we open Pandora’s box? Well, I read the book, and let me tell you, Pandora had the right idea keeping that box locked up tight, what idiot would want to open it?!

So just to warn any girl out there that is thinking they want to empower themselves by reading this book, and that, yeah it might make you a little paranoid for about a week and then you will get over it. If you have any sort of compulsion…DON’T READ THIS BOOK! I’m just not that into it! This is what I learned: 1) don’t call a guy, ever, he should always call you, if he doesn’t always call you, he’s just not that into you. 2) Never pursue a guy, they don’t like it, you should sit around and wait for them to chase you, they like that. If you have to make the first move, he isn’t shy; he’s just not that into you. 3) Guys are never busy, if they say they are busy, they are just not that into you, no matter what is going on in their lives, they are never busy. Ok, so now I’m paranoid beyond belief. I can’t call a guy anymore because I am not supposed to, but then he may think that I AM just not that into HIM, and that’s a whole other disaster in itself. Along with the feeling of paranoia, now I’m also totally confused. Lets face it; the only bible that I’m living by is Cosmo and the surveys in Maxim! Cosmo and Maxim tell me guys love assertive girls that will just take the reins and show him who is boss every once in a while, but now “Happily Married” Greg (that’s the author extraordinaire) tells me NO NO NO, boys like the chase and lose interest when they don’t have to be the ones putting in all the effort. People of the mass media world can’t you all get together and have a meeting and just MAKE SENSE?! Please! I mean really, was your main goal to make little Beth even more confused when it comes to guys?! As if god gracing me with no game wasn’t enough!

You know what “Happily Married”? I’m just not that into you…whadda ya think of them apples?! Now that I have come to the conclusion that every aspect of mass media is giving me a different story, I think I’ll stick to my "no game" and just say screw it! No better yet, I am never going to read another self-help book and I will also vow to watch Brittney and Kevin: Chaotic religiously while I wait for my own personal back up dancer to dance his way into my life so I can have a wonderfully dysfunctional love like theirs!

"Happily Married" Greg… Who wouldn’t want a gross back up dancer living off your money? Hmmm….he better like PB & J a lot with my salary!

Those Anoyomous Meetings!

+ =

(This is NOT meant to offend)

Did you ever wonder what it would be like to be in Over-eaters Anonymous? I'm not trying to make fun, I'm serious, because after the meal I just ate I have been thinking long and hard about these anonymous groups and how they run their show.

I've been wondering what the 12-Step process would look like for OA, because let's be honest, clearly you're not hurting anyone with your eating habits so you couldn't follow the normal 12-Steps and apologize to those who you have wronged. So what do you do? Confront those who have wronged you and subsequently maybe added to your eating?

If so, sign me up! I don't care how many steps were before that step I would race through them just to get to that one! Now, I'm sure that like AA, they tell you that no one caused you to give in to your addiction, that you have no one to blame but yourself. Bullshit! We all know there is a guy or really mean girl out there that has contributed to a late night Ben and Jerry's binge! I would love to walk up to the guy who once said to me, "But think about it, would you be comfortable putting on a bathing suit in front of people right now?" I want to go to his door, knock on it and shout "YES BITCH!" Maybe I would think about explaining myself, but then again, why bother, I mean someone who says something like that doesn't really deserve anymore breath wasted on them right? (Please take into account that they follow up sentence to the first mean sentence was "Because she can, she has a great body!" Meanwhile, I am pretty sure I weighed about 105 pounds at the time.

Thank you EDS Man (eating disorder starter) but guess what? You're powers didn't work on me, I STILL ate...and guess what? I LIKED IT! I should be the anti-hero to that superhero. Oh he isn't a superhero you say? Well, of course he is, he works for magazines that boast headlines like "Lose 20 Pounds Like Jen Aniston in 20 Days" or "How Ang Lost all of her Baby Weight" (I can answer that one, you have a 4 out of 6 chance that she adopted that time around!)

So I joined the gym, EDS kept telling me I should (what was he trying to do?). In all fairness, so did my mom, but that's only because I broke my foot and she was convinced it was because I had spent so much time playing sports my whole life and my 7 year hiatus was now beginning to catch up with me. (Truth be told, I just fell in a pothole. Although, I DID walk on it for seven days! So I sort of "played through the pain", which I feel should count as exercise!)

I joined the gym and I went for a long time, until work and grad school started to take over all of my time, then I quit. I promised myself that as soon as summer was over (I was, after all, able to run every morning (but I didn't) and I was going to a country where the average temperature would be about 100 degrees each day, I'd sweat it off. Surely I didn't need to go back until after summer) and I...didn't.

Instead I would follow the exercises on Fit TV on Demand. If you have a roommate/live in boyfriend/fiance/husband that could walk in and witness you doing this at any moment, I don't suggest it. It's almost as bad as getting caught watching Real World by the cool guy you just started dating who still hasn't figured out that you have a scary obsession with really bad reality TV. My friend just informed me of the most embarrassing workout of all on Fit TV, it's called Cardioke (Get it? Karaoke and cardio in one! Apparently singing while working out builds stamina). This one should come with a disclaimer: If someone can see you right now or any time soon, do not play. Otherwise enjoy this is the most awesome workout ever!

But alas, I have given into the gym once again. I just rejoined. Basically my reasoning is this: I need to fit into a bridesmaid dress, too bad I haven't gone yet and my first dress experience is this Saturday. I'm thinking....Divine intervention for this one...They don't teach you that in OA! (And I know why, but, I think God has got to have the upper hand in the weight loss area!)

What Am I Doing Wrong?!

How come my fish looks like this?!

I mean, that's not normal right? It looks like he is doing the doggy paddle...and trust me, he is no dog. I wish he was a dog, no that's not true, I love him as a fish, I just wish I had another pet and it happened to be a dog! My fish is named after Wee-Bey (I spelled his name Wee-Bay though, so that I could call him Bay for short...since he is a fish...and they live in water...sometimes in a bay) from The Wire...'cause he is a killer! We'll he hasn't killed anyone, but if I put another fish in his bowl he would tear a brother apart!

Or he would have at least...until he started doing the doggie paddle. So I looked up online what might be wrong with him and it seems as though I can diagnose him with SBD (Swim Bladder Disorder). Medicine? No, that's too easy, this can be cured by feeding your fish a pea. Yes...a pea...like a green pea, I never had to eat those when I was younger, my mom hated peas so I was spared. (Although, I ate a lot of orange foods, carrots, squash, sweet potatoes. I turned orange...I don't eat carrots anymore) But how do you feed a fish a pea?!

First of all Bay doesn't even want to eat, so how am I going to make him eat a pea? NO ONE WANTS TO EAT PEAS!! Especially a fish! Bay can't even hold himself up, and I'm supposed to somehow force feed him a pea?! This isn't going to work! So I left the pea stuck to a fork taped to the side of the bowl and I am going to hope for the best. I'm still skeptical that this pea is even going to work though...but we shall see.

Yes...I did turn orange. Yes it is something that can really happen, see!! Maybe Bay will turn green from the peas...that would be weird!