Super Rats

Yesterday I saw what could only be described as a super rat. For those of you who are not familar with this particular breed of rat because you have no seen the History Channel special on them, they can be found dwelling in the New York City subways and can get as big as a large cat! Now, the existence of these animals is debatable, although I think that any New Yorker who has rode the subway can unanimously agree that these super rats DO exist.

The rats tail was as long my forearm so I am sure you can imagine how big the rat attached to that tail was. When I looked around I noticed that almost everyone around me was watching the huge rodent scurry from track to track, everyone was mesmerized. I thought to myself, how mesmerized would these people be if this catrat was on the platform with us all running in and out of the expectant subway goers legs? I can't imagine it would be any different than a woman running from a mass murderer in a terrible teen horror flick. I know this, because I have witnessed it many times!

Today...I think I found that super rat again...this time I am sure it was no longer alive and had been set afire by the subway sparks...I can't think of any other reason for the horrid smell under ground today!

I DID get to Enter!!!

I am so dumb! I thought that yesterday was the 20th and I was sure that I had missed the Big Brother Mash-up Video Contest submission date...but I DIDN'T!!

Here is the video I put up...It is so blurry on the site which makes me want to cry :( Vote for me HERE! (I think voting starts at 8:00pm tonight)

Big Brother Mash-up Contest

So clearly my summer has been monopolized by Big Brother. Between the shows, Big Brother After Dark and the Live Feeds I know more about this season than even Ronnie. (Eat that Ronnie, I'll go head to head with you any day.) How do I feel about this? Slightly worried. Last night the House Guests made a comment about who would watch the live feeds, implying that I, along with the other viewers, am crazy. Well...I sort of agree, and I am sure any other die-hard Big Brother fan would also admit that the obsession is slightly unnerving, but alas, the pull of the show is too strong to stop it.

This year is the first year that I actually voted on something (actually I voted like 30 times for Jeff to win the Coup D'etat...Chima, how does that make you feel? 30 times...that's how much I DIDN'T want you group in power...so much so that I felt desperate to throw them a bone and actually log on to my computer to vote...I.DO.NOT.DO.THIS!) Then I felt as though I missed out when I could have recorded a message for the House Guests for them to use in a competition. So this time when I saw that you could make a mash-up video I set to work. Unfortunately not having a summer job makes you forget that there are things in this world called dead lines and I missed the deadline for the contest by 3 hours...it's a shame...I think I could have won to...

What do you think?

MIA

I have been a little MIA lately, but you would be surprised at how busy I have been while not working. I know I have been surprised. This past weekend we threw Ilana's bachelorette party in AC, and let me tell you...planning a bachelorette party is hard work. I know that Bush told us day in and day out that he had a hard job, but I challenge him to plan a bachelorette party...now that IS a hard job! It was hard work AND I had a partner in planning, yet still, the second we boarded the bus home I was out like a light, the workload just overwhelming me and the exhaustion finally gave in. Which makes me wonder...how on earth will I survive when work starts up again? 12 year olds are WAY more demanding than 7 20 somethings.

Regardless of the hard work and the exhaustion it was so much fun. But now comes the real hard work. Now that the bachelorette party is over it's time to get working...working out that is. The realization that I have to get my dress altered for her October wedding is starting to get more real as the dog days of summer drag on. So it's off to the gym everyday, and off to that whole eating right thing. Since my last post I have to say I am pretty proud of myself, I have been keeping up with the whole eating well thing...well, I did have pancakes for dinner tonight, but in my defense I have been car sick since 10:30am (Reading in the car for the first 5 minutes of my two hour drive today was NOT a good idea, hence the car sickness, but I am reading Columbine and I just can't put it down) and I needed to try everything to get rid of the feeling...It didn't work...neither did the bowl of soup I ate afterwards...I am not going to try anymore food remedies though it is too tempting of an excuse. I am, however, quite certain that the scale at my parents house is broken...my Wii Fit gives me a much better reading!

Tomorrow I am going to get a new couch...which I know does not sound interesting to some people, but I have got to be honest, every single person that has sat on my couch for more than 20 minutes is jumping up and down for joy right now! Anyone want to buy my old couch? (Was that a bad sell?)

The Summer of Eating

This summer I have done a lot of eating. Now granted, this does accomplish one goal, I am able to try all of the new restaurants that I am too busy to go to during the year. However, it also seems to be accomplishing another goal...one I am not interested in obtaining...growing...HORIZONTALLY!

So after about a month of indulging in every food imaginable and then being weighed at the doctor's office I decided to make some cut backs. Mainly: Eating at home more. Secondly: Eating less at each meal. Thirdly: Increasing the amount of meals I eat each day to increase my metabolism. Then finally: Eating healthier. I guess my days of eating Entenmann's cookies and red velvet cupcakes after a massive pasta dinner (where I would consume ALL of my food on my plate) were over.

Day one of eating less went well...until Slim Jims started looking appetizing. Day two of eating less also went went until I bought the wrong turkey for lunch ate TOO little and almost passed out in Target. My willpower for staying away from desserts was really really wavering each day. I didn't think it would be possible for me to not eat dessert, I NEEDED my red velvet cupcakes! Not even the show I watched about what organically colors red velvet cupcakes could dissuade me. (I won't tell you what it is, that would be mean, but if you really want to ruin it for yourself it was on the food network's program "Food Detectives") I cheated with two entenmann's cookies on the first couple of days. I had one after my lunch, after my dinner, and then again later in the night...okay so I had 5.

I had read that your hunger for things like bread, pasta, and desserts faded after a while, but I didn't believe that in the least bit. Then something amazing happened...it was Friday night (I wanted to allow myself to eat dessert only on the weekends) and I was at my favorite restaurant in Westchester (The Heights) where they make my favorite dessert and my favorite bread and my favorite meal...and I didn't over eat. Usually I eat almost the entire bread basket (they make really good bread), I eat all of my french fries, and close to all of my main dish. On Friday night, I didn't finish anything AND I didn't order dessert! It was something I never thought possible, but after about a week it had happened, my need to eat everything and anything had dissipated.

I have been cooking a lot more at home. Fish at least once a week (fresh and wonderful from Wild Edibles, they have great deals all week long including 15% off prepared raw fish on Mondays), chicken or turkey the other nights and tons of veggies! I never thought I would say this, but going to the gym, eating less, and cooking more...actually gave me more energy.

However, I can't totally stay away from dessert so since I was good all weekend, I am off to get a red velvet cupcake! Hey...I am allowed dessert at least once a week...I need to enjoy life right? And what better way to enjoy life than with a Buttercup Bakeshop cupcake!?

Big Brother 11

So Nice They Named Us One Twice!
(Does nice now mean idiotic?)

Okay, fine, I admit it to the public for the first time ever. I. AM. OBSESSED. WITH. BIG. BROTHER. God, it feels so good to finally say that out loud! I know what Edward must have felt like when he told Bella he was a vamp. I know what Dexter must have felt like when he told his psychologist that he was a psychopathic killer.

Wait...no, I don't. Actually, now that I have said it out loud and admitted it to the whole word (or the 18 people who read this blog) I am sort of embarrassed. But not as embarrassed as I would be to admit that I watch Big Brother After Dark for 3 hours each night on show time...or the fact that I read spoilers online from two websites, or the fact that I also just started watching the live feed...and defiantly not as embarrassed as I would be if I told the whole world that I sort of think of the house guests as my roommates...oh...shit...

Anyways, for those of you that scoff, just watch the show and I guarantee that you will become just as addicted. This season sort of blows though so you might want to hold off until next summer, unless you are one of those reality TV junkies who loves to watch a train wreck each week! (Which would basically be anyone that likes reality TV, so just watch it and stay a closet lover until you can find a peer group that loves it as well!)

But really, I decided that this season was so out of control stupid that I couldn't really consider myself a true person if I didn't write about it at least once. So here are my gripes:

1. Why did they pick the worlds DUMBEST people in the majority of this house? Usually the dumb ones are outnumbered making it possible for the "good guys" to win...not so this year.

2. Why oh WHY Big Brother did you bring back Jessie? More importantly why did you GIVE HIM POWER?! Were the producers of Big Brother not in class when the covered people like Jessie in History? It is a proven fact that those who think they are the best and are in power ONLY LEAD TO TROUBLE AND MISERY! (And yes, I do think that Jessie has a touch of Napoleon complex despite his "22's") Big Brother...when you brought back Jessie last year in a gorilla suit, THAT was his second chance! In no way, shape or form does Jessie deserve to win, and populating the house with idiots to follow him towards the water...not helping!

3. Why did you bring in the FEMALE JESSIE!? I mean, was one not enough? You really needed Natalie?! She is by far the dumbest player in BB history. I mean, 18?! Who in their right mind would want to give an 18 year old $500,000?! (besides Jessie, who loves her, because she is him...in female form. Marinate on that one for a bit...let it sink in...yep it's gross!) Especially a DUMB 18 year old?! By far the dumbest reality show lie EVER!

4. Ronnie. I really could leave it at that, since the sheer existence of Ronnie on my television set is enough to send me into a fit of fury. I mean really how many dork references does he have to make? Ronnie, we get it.
You are a gamer.
You like Star Wars.
You won a national title in debate.
You are smart.
You were placed on the brains team.
WE SEE THIS...WE KNOW YOU ARE A DORK NO NEED TO DRIVE IT HOME WITH YOUR DORK T-SHIRTS AND YOUR CONSTANT STAR WARS REFERENCES!

5. Last but not least (well not really last I have a zillion more problems with this season.) Lydia. Big Brother, do you really think it is fair to place an unstable individual just looking for acceptance and love into the "off-beat" click? Do you really think it is responsible to then place said girl in the house with a manipulative guy that shows her just enough attention to get what he wants but gives her nothing in return? Do you really think it is fair to put me through the stress of having to watch Lydia fall for said idiot (Jessie) and make a fool of herself? Your only saving grace right now is during her lows when she realizes that Jessie is an idiot, but they don't last long enough for you to really think that this is fair to put her through this, do you? I mean...Natalie was one thing, it was enduring to see her fall for Matty in season 9 even though he was terrified of her and thwarted her every move, but at least he wasn't using her! This is just irresponsible, and Julie Chen, I think you need to put a stop to it. None of this "baiting" anymore. Stop asking Nat and Lydia if they are falling for Jessie you are only enabling them all!

Regardless of how much the show is pissing me off, which clearly makes for good TV as I have gone to much greater lengths to find out about what is going on with the house guests this year, I still love it. Which brings me to my point.

PLEASE VOTE FOR JEFF TO GET THE COUP D'ETAT NO ONE ELSE WILL USE THEIR BRAIN IF THEY HAVE IT! Even if you don't watch the show, just click here and vote for Jeff. Be warned though, if you vote for Jessie, I will be forced to hunt you down and I will make sure that you have to look at this picture of Jessie each and every day of your life from this moment forward! (that image is going to burn into your brain folks!)

Side note: Why do they keep chosing people who would make awesome TV and then place with them people who are too dumb to realize what jems they are? We lost Brian in the first eviction last year and this year we lost Braden? These two would have been reality show gold.

His name is Braden, he is in the Green Chair. Thank You. Let's have a pool party!

Andrew Sullivan: The Daily Dish

In case you have never heard of The Daily Dish check it out. Each day he puts up a Mental Health Break which can vary from interesting information, funny clips, cool clips, etc. The Mental Health Break today hit close to home for me. This is a video of the Whale Sharks, Mantarays and other fish in the world's second largest aquarium tanks in the world, the largest? In Georgia. The very same Georgia Aquarium that I was just at, solely because it is the only place in the world besides this aquarium that actually has Whale Sharks at all! Check it out, it is totally worth it.

Kuroshio Sea - 2nd largest aquarium tank in the world - (song is Please don't go by Barcelona) from Jon Rawlinson on Vimeo.

Banana Bread

I'm going to try to make banana bread for the first time today. Let's see how it goes. I have been cooking a lot lately. Last week I made basil pesto sauce, this did not turn out well. A lot of things went wrong. First I read the wrong recipe, next I added too much cheese and not enough basil. After I flopped I decided that I needed to simply start over. Too bad my basil plant now looked like this:
Well, what can you do? That's what basil plants are for right? Using them to cook and then having them grow back? Next time I am making sure that I do not strip my plant therefore rendering it useless to me for the next couple of weeks! I don't have a banana tree so I should be okay with the banana bread...

Fruit at the Bottom

I am not a Fruit at the Bottom kind of girl. I guess I am not really a fruit girl at all. I like apples, but only when they come in a vacuumed packed bag and are pre-sliced. I like bananas, but only when they come in the form of banana bread, a pina colada, or a banana daiquiri. [Which, yes, I have been making a lot of lately (recipe underneath)] But on a whole, I am not a fan of "fruit fruit" (or maybe grown-up fruit).

That's why when I decide to eat healthy and eat yogurt for breakfast (albeit, I do add super-fattening granola, but whatever, it's still healthier than a egg and cheese) I don't want "fruit fruit" to come into the mix. If I wanted fruit for breakfast I would have just eaten fruit cocktail, but I didn't I ate yogurt and that's all I really want to find in my wonderful single serve plastic cup! The fruit at the bottom isn't a happy surprise for me. When I am done with my yogurt that was fruit flavored I don't think to myself wow, you know what I could really go for now? Some dehydrated soggy fruit!

If you are like me and you like to be able to control your intake of fruit and be able to control whether you want "kid approved fruit" as opposed to real people fruit don't even bother looking for yogurt that doesn't have the surprise fruit at the bottom. Why? Because even when you waste 30 minutes looking for a little plastic cup that does not say "Fruit at the Bottom!" you open the delightful little package and guess what's in there? FRUIT AT THE BOTTOM. SOGGY. GROSS. FRUIT AT THE BOTTOM!

I know that I am a little bit like a 5 year old with my intake of fruit (vegetables I am okay with, I love spinach, broccoli, peppers, tomatoes (okay technically a fruit) and so on) but I want to honestly find the one person who really likes the fruit at the bottom of their yogurt. It's slimy and gross and can't really be "real" fruit. So I'll keep pushing my fruit to the side, pulling it out of the cup completely and avoiding it at all cost...Your job? Find me someone who enjoys the Fruit at the Bottom!

Banana Daiquiri Recipe (Makes two)

1 lime
2 Tbs of Sugar
4 Jiggers of Light Rum (Use coconut rum to make it more beachy. 4 Jiggers=6 Oz)
2 C finely cracked ice
1 ripe banana

Put the juice of 1 lime, 2 tablespoons of sugar, 4 jiggers of rum, and 2 cups of ice into the container of a blender. Add 1 ripe banana (sliced), and blend the mixture for 15 seconds, or until smooth. (or until frothy. If you hear ice falling into the cup put it back in and blend it again. Once you see the froth you know you are good to go) Strain the banana daiquiri into chilled cocktail glasses.

It Was a Tsunami: A.K.A: The time the Groupers caused an island wide blackout

After my stellar experience with the famous Blackout of 2003, I thought it only fair to share my experiences with the Blackout of 2009.  This blackout was much less well known, but much worse if you ask me.  Why? Because it occurred while I was on vacation.  I already alluded to the blackout adventure in Aruba this summer, so I figured I might as well share the rest of the story for your reading enjoyment.  Although not as well known, this blackout was just as dramatic and entertaining if not more.  

I guess I should start at the beginning where all stories start.  Many things occurred that, for lack of a better word, were extremely strange while in Aruba.  We checked into one of the world's most beautiful hotels and were immediately offered cold towels for our hands and champagne, now this, I could get used to, we all know how much I LOVE champagne.  We were told that our room would be on the third floor, but if we wanted to wait we could have a room on a higher floor, of course we would have to wait at least four hours for the room.  This was something that we weren't so excited about since we were ready to hit the beach.  We checked the room out, it was fine and had a partial ocean view and the room itself was beautiful.  We decided, why wait?  Lets get to the beach and start this vacation.  However, when we started getting ready for the beach my gift for observance really became more of a curse.  After we called down for more towels, foam pillows, and a fridge I started the observations.  I noticed  that one of the lights in the room was out, so another call down to the front desk was made for a new bulb.  While we waited for our necessary things to arrive we started getting beach ready...until I noticed what seemed to be either ketchup or sangre...that's blood in Spanish ladies and gentlemen.  (I learned a lot of Spanish in Aruba despite the fact that Spanish is not the native language on the island.)  Now when I say maybe ketchup I really mean, it was blood not ketchup.  Feeling a bit woozy from my discovery I went over to the balcony to get some fresh air...and noticed that the door handle was SEVER LY broken!  Needless to say by the time the fridge arrived the front desk had told us we were going to get a new room.  The front desk now hates us.  

Beach Time Weird Moment:  A dog with a collar and no tags comes to hang out with us.  Not only does it just saunter up, check us out and look for food, instead he decides to lay down and chill for a long time.  Weird for most people, not too much for me...dogs always seem to gravitate towards me, which is okay because I gravitate towards dogs as well.

Dinner Time Weird Moment:  We go to Pelican Pier (my favorite restaurant) and we are seated 3 feet from the

 ocean...not the sand...the ocean...no railings.  As I mentioned before, a kid decided to fish off the pier about two feet from where I was eating causing my blood pressure to rise as I feared that the hook would eventually get stuck somewhere in my head or worse...in my food.  I didn't get hooked, but 3 fish did, that kid was a good fisherman.  

Day 2 at the Beach Weird Moment:  We see a raft full of people

 rowing towards the shore.  This is not a para sailing boat or a banana boat, this is a straight up life raft, WHAT is going on here?  For the first time ever I go out in the ocean really far.  I am fascinated by sharks, unfortunately I also harbor an irrational fear that I will meet my demise by the mouth of a shark.  I went out really far...on a float...the next best way besides a surfboard to make a shark think you are its prey.  I floated towards a woman, was told to "WATCH OUT!"  The woman freaked out and let me know she thought I was a shark...I thought she was a shark...how ironic.

Dinner Day 2 Weird Moment:  This is where it all comes to a head.  This is where the blackout comes into play.  We go to one of the "best restaurants" in Aruba without reservations, Madame Jeannette.  The hotel tells us not to worry that we will get a table, the locals laugh in our face...this might not turn out well.  As it turns out the gods of luck were tired of laughing at us and we were shown to a table immediately.  The table sucked.  We moved outside.  It started raining.  We moved inside.  The gods of luck did this, those laughing bastards!  The food comes and this is when I have the largest piece of Grouper that I think ever existed, for those of you that read "The Aruba Grouper Mafia" this shouldn't surprise you as much as it did me.  Just when I take my last bite, the lights flicker, then come back one, then flicker, then come back on, then go out.  Our waiter tells us that sometimes this happens, but the lights always come back on.  The lights don't come back on.  Wait, there's a light, it's bright, where is it coming from?  Oh that guy at the table next to us has a flashlight, no wait it's a head lamp...no, wait, it's a hat, a hat with a flashlight attached.  I mean really, my dad is Mr. Prepared and my friend Jen I commonly refer to as Mary Poppins, but this guy totally outdid both of them.  

Now, knowing that my dad is Mr. Prepared it will come as no shock that before we left for our trip my dad said, "Hey, why don't you take a flashlight?"  We asked why and he responded by saying, "I mean, what if there was a blackout in the hotel, this could come in handy."  I now think my dad was in cahoots with the Grouper Mafia.  So, eventually we find out that the power is out on the entire island due to the fact that lightening hit the main transformer on the island.  This is an island that is far away from everything, well everything except Venezuela and I am not a fan of Hugo Chavez so I'm thinking he isn't coming to the prince charming rescue, the power is clearly going to be out for a while.  In the meantime the skies have now opened up and there is what the people at the table next to us (with flashlight hat) describe as a Tsunami.  Apparently these people aren't vocab people...no we soon find out they are Florida people, Florida people who love BJs Wholesale.  Florida people who apparently must have their passover dinner in the dark as the blackout has caused them to start reciting the four questions in Hebrew.  It's a monsoon lady, a monsoon!

At this point I am laughing so hard that I have to use to restroom, in part to control my laughter, in another part to check out what the situation is with getting out of here.  Oh, I forgot to mention something interesting about Madame Jeannette, they sort of operate like a cruise ship with two seatings, one at 6pm and another at 9pm.  Just as the power goes out the 6pm diners are just finishing up and all of the 9pm diners have shown up for dinner, so now there are a zillion people in a restaurant with no power (which hasn't stopped the waiters from serving mind you, it was impressive to say the least) who are going to need to find a way out.  What else do I find out on the way to the bathroom?  Two feet of water has now pooled in the parking lot and no one can get out of the restaurant.  I have flip flops on and a dress, I am ready to wade it.  We sit there for a while longer until finally the manager comes over and tells us he has a car waiting for us.  We walk to the door and he has rigged the exit so that it is "walkable" and we don't have to wade our way out, however, we do have to climb onto a table, hop to another 3 tables, jump down onto a bench, jump down onto a large stone and then get into what appears to be a waiter's car.  (When I say appears to be, I mean I am 99.9 percent sure, he has a name tag on and wears the same uniform as the rest of the waiters, also he has a CD blasting music so clearly he is not your typical cab driver.)

We get back to the hotel and there is...drum roll please...no power!  Except characteristically the casino is lit up like Christmas.  The security guards in the hotel hand out glow sticks when we enter and let us know that the elevators work, there are lights in the hallway, but there are no lights in the rooms and the toilets don't flush.  Oh great, I am so glad that I decided to drink two soda waters at the restaurant, this is not going to end well, I can already tell!  After gambling for two seconds and then realizing that the AC is not working and a casino is no fun without ventilation and sitting in the lobby listening to high school kids fight about one thing or another, possibly how one guy killed another guys chances with a girl, but in reality it was probably due to the fact that he was with his parents that killed his chances, we decided to just go up to the room and go to sleep.  

The wait wasn't long, three hours without power.  At around 12:30am the lights in our room came back on and I was nominated to shut the lights out even though I had just fallen asleep.  All in all, it was an adventure and believe it or not, it probably made the night even better!

The Day the City Went Dark...A.K.A.: The Day I Caused the Blackout of 2003

I was lucky enough not to be stuck in a high-rise building in NYC in 2003 during the infamous black out.  I had the day off and I was doing my 'Cuse education proud by life guarding that day.  The 80 year old woman who bathed nude (I shit you not, this happened every three days and I happened to be the lucky "senior" guard on duty that always had to tell her to put her top back on...kicker...she spoke VERY little English.  That means this conversation always went on uncomfortably long while my gaze stayed focused on her eyes and my abs ached from holding in the nervous laughter)  had just finished her laps and I felt as though the pool needed a good sanitizing so I had turned the chlorinator all the way up.  Then it happened, I heard it so clearly.  It is amazing how loud the sound of silence really is when you are used to the hum of mechanical noises all day long.  There was a thud and then deafening silence.  OH CRAP!  I thought to myself, Did I seriously just overload the pool's power?  I was then told that it wasn't just the pool area, but the entire condominium complex that I worked in.  OH NO!  Paul is going to kill me, I totally just blew the power in the entire complex!

Paul was my boss, and I was terrified of him, why you ask?  Well it's simple enough, I had worked at this complex for an entire summer and had never seen Paul face to face, however, I shared many phone calls with him, usually at least two a day.  My first phone call with Paul was when he called to offer me my job.  After NEVER meeting me, he called at 5:00am.  Who calls a normal person at 5:00am let alone a college student?  We talked for a bit, he outlined what my responsibilities would be, how I would get my key, uniform, and schedule.  (Not from him, because he was an invisible entity as far as I am concerned)  Then he said, in a thick Irish accent, "So Beth, what da ya think?  Do ya want tha job?"  Of course, seeing as it was now 5:10am I answered incorrectly and said, "Can I call you back later today once I find out if those hours will work for me?"   Now, I know this sounds rude, but what you have to understand is that I had an internship at a Soap Opera that summer  as well and I needed to talk to my boss to make sure that my hours at the pool with work with my hours there. 

Then Paul barked at me (the first of many times I wold experience this), "What da ya mean ya need to think abou' it?  It's yes or no, do ya want the job or not?"  As I said before, I had an internship and I needed more money coming in so I cracked under the pressure and accepted the job not worrying about the more important hours that I would need to fill.  I would work it out with the head guard it would all be okay.  

Now, remember  I never met Paul, but boy that guy have long arms.  The very sound of the guard phone ringing was enough to send me into cold sweats that summer, I was petrified of Paul and I did my job extremely well because of it.  He would periodically "threaten"  (read:  say he would come down to visit, but he was scary so it seemed like a threat) to come down to the pool, which would send my anxiety level into super drive as well as my productivity.  Let's just say that the PH levels were checked more that summer than probably ever were in the entire existence of the pool, the chairs were straighter than need be, and there was absolutely NO horseplay while I was on duty.  Unfortunately "the reach" was never strong enough to get me to kill the hornets that resided in the men's bathroom, this resulted in my other fear that summer.  In case you didn't know, a hornet NEVER stops chasing you.

But I digress, I was positive that I had overloaded the power and knocked out every one's power that lived there, which would not only piss them off, but would also send them all packing for the pool when their ACs went down.  I was very soon going to have a packed pool and a power problem that I wasn't sure how to fix.  I'd probably have to call Paul.  The cold sweats set in, then the guard phone started ringing.  I saw double the entire way to the phone worried about what wrath was about to be laid down on me.  It wasn't Paul, it was my mom.  A wave of relief passed over me as I started to tell her all about what I had done, "MomrememberwhenItoldyouthattherewasalady... thatbathednakedatthepool?  ShewashereandIturnedupthchlorinetosanatizethepool...

andIknockedoutthepowerintheentirecomplex!!!!!"  My mom told me to calm down and told me it was the entire North East.  "WHAT?!  I BLEW OUT THE ENTIRE NORTH EAST?!  Paul is REALLY GOING TO KILL ME!!!!"  I was so terrified of my boss that I actually thought that this could be a possibility!  Then I took a deep breath and realized how ridiculous this was, of course I didn't do that, that would be insane...  Not because blowing out the entire North East was totally asinine but if I had I would definitely already have been fired, Paul knew these things, he didn't need to come down here to check them out, he just knew.  My mom informed me that people thought it was a terrorist attack (side note:  It was sad that we all immediately went to that assumption, but that was life in NY post 9/11) and that I had to come home before it got too dark and it became too dangerous to drive with no street lights.  My immediate thought, NO!  I don't want to call Paul and tell him that we have to close the pool...because I DON'T WANT TO CALL PAUL!  

I called Paul.  He yelled at me. "Beth, ya can't close tha pool, people are goin' ta want ta come ta tha pool when thar AC is out."  I took a deep breath and stood my ground.  

"Paul, they suspect that this is a terrorist attack, I hardly doubt anyone is thinking about going swimming, further more I live twenty minutes from here and I need to take a major highway home, I am really not comfortable driving home that far with no lights. "  The highway was dangerous to begin with and Paul agreed with my logic so I shut the pool and went home.  

By the time I got home it was a well known fact that this was not a terrorist attack, however, there were still hundreds of people stuck in the city, one of them being my dad and there was still no power coming back anytime soon.  We called my dad half a zillion times and found out that he would end up hanging out in his friends building lobby/garden for hours (ironically, his friend was already back in the suburbs and wasn't staying in his city apartment), he refused to go to a hotel because it was an adventure and everyone around him was experiencing the same thing.  I am assuming this was my mom's idea of personal hell, but my dad's idea of slightly roughing it.  My idea of personal hell?  The phone conversation I would inevitably have to endure with Paul when I got back to work, on the positive side, I didn't have to go back for four days and there was a possibility that the appearance of the nudist during the male guards shift would have him forget all about me closing the pool during the blackout of 2003!

The Aruba Grouper Mafia

While in Aruba I ate Fish for every single meal…except two.  I’m not kidding, I probably glow at night right now due to all the mercury in my bloodstream!  But what was I supposed to do?  I love fish and here I am on an Island with some of the best fresh fish that there is to offer.  (When I say fresh I mean straight out of the water and onto the grill.  At one restaurant if you drank a bit too much and got tipsy…you were going to tip right over into the water.  Aruba, apparently, has not heard of railings ladies and gentlemen, nor do they think it is particularly odd to have a 13 year old fishing off the very same dock that you are eating at while his parents eat dinner 5 feet away.)

So fish it was, for each lunch and dinner (Hey when in Aruba, right?).  The main island delight is Grouper; apparently Aruba has a great market of Grouper so you have to eat it at least once if you are there.  I ate it three times. (Twice as a dish, once as a sandwich!)  So I ate Grouper happily, Mahi Mahi when I tired of the Grouper, and then Grouper when I tired of the Mahi Mahi.  This was some of the best fish I have ever eaten. 

Now I know some of you who know me must be asking yourself, “But Beth, you love fish and the ocean so much and you have a wealth of useless information about the safety of our oceans, how on earth can you eat so much fish?”  Not to mention the worry about me never being able to have a child due to the high levels of mercury in my system.  Don’t worry your pretty little heads, I am a very responsible fish eater and I only consume fish, which are not endangered.  (No shark fin soup for me...(you know who I am talking to, ahem, ahem!))

After my fish binge and on my way back into the states we made a pit stop in HOT-lanta …to join all the other small children at the Georgia Aquarium.  The food court immediately disenchanted me as they served fish, which I found to be a bit too close for comfort.  (Nor was I particularly comfortable with the Legal Seafood boasting the freshest fish in Atlanta which was right across the street…Atlanta is land-locked, are you getting those fish so fresh because you are sticking your fishing polls into the various exhibits?!)  The aquarium was amazing, more than I ever could have asked for, although for some reason I had a hard time believing that this was the biggest aquarium in the world, basically because it looked so small to me.  This might be due in part to the fact that I was a lot smaller the last time I was at an aquarium.  (The Shark Reef in Vegas when I was 21 is not counted here). 

However, this was also where the most disturbing thing happened to me ever, although I will admit had I actually done the “dive” with “gentle giants” this might have freaked me out more, but I digress.  HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A GROUPER IN REAL LIFE?!  Like other than on a plate?!  OH MY GOD!  I now know why the piece is always so f-ing huge!  GROUPERS ARE INSANLY BIG!  I will say this, if I met a grouper in the ocean, I would swim so fast that I would actually propel myself on TOP of the water making people think I was able to walk on water like Jesus!  These things are TERRIFYING.  Not only are they gi-normous, but they are clearly the Tony Sopranos of the ocean!  They are not only extremely large and in charge, but they also look mean as hell.  Oh and side note, if you are thinking, it’s just a fish Beth, you own a fish, how could you be so scared?  Well, the guy at the aquarium let us know they will and DO eat fish in their exhibit.  He didn’t say that about the SHARKS!  But he said it about the Groupers.  

Tell me honestly, these guys don’t look like they are about to follow through on a hit.  I had nightmares that night and the entire plane ride home that the fish was coming for me.  Not to mention the fact that these two came out of nowhere and then stayed in front of me staring the entire time I was there.  They prevented me from getting a good shot of the Whale Shark and the Manta Ray.  Which are both huge.  Really Huge.  And the Grouper BLOCKED THE SHOT.  Then as mysteriously as they appeared out of the dark, as soon as I walked away, they disappeared back into the blue abyss.  So in conclusion, I am laying off the Grouper for a while, and I am not seeking out any fish I have eaten before ever again.  

Sidenote:  In part I blame the Grouper for the power outage that overtook the entire island one night, they claim it was lightening that hit a transformer, I think the Aruba Grouper carried it out.  I was eating the world's largest piece of Grouper at the time and as soon as I went in for my last bite, BAM the lights went down...on the ENTIRE ISLAND.  That's the last time I ever mess with the local mob boss in the ocean!

You Might Not Like Hurting People Jillian...

...But the producers at the bacholorette don't seem to mind rubbing salt in the bachelors' wounds! Reality shows seem to be biting back, against what, I am not so sure, but reality shows are getting cut throat. It all started this season when Jeff Probst all out harassed the contestants on Survivor saying things like, "This is just pathetic!" or "Now they are just making winning easy for the other team!" Now the bacholorette seems to be getting on the harassment boat.

Each previous season when the contestants were dumped on national TV they were given the common courtesy of getting a limo ride home (or to the airport or wherever bachelors go after being humiliated and dumped on TV). But this season ABC seems to have taken a page out of Jeff Probst's book and it's a no holds barred kind of season where after you get dumped on TV, you are further shamed with an embarrassing departure. Sasha had to take the BUS out of Jillian town, the Dave had to hop into a cab, and now worst, but I am sure not last, sweet bartender Robby was kicked off a train...next to a cliff...and a forest....IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE! Then to make matters worse, and I guess this is where the producers decided that salt in a wound wasn't quiet enough and they got some alcohol to spray in there too, the train pulls away and we are left with a shot of Robby standing in the middle of nowhere with his three bags as the rest of the bachelors pass him from the comfort of the train car.

That's cold ABC, what's next? Jillian takes the boys out for a Pacific cruise and the guy who gets voted off that night has to leave in a life raft? If so at least have the common decency to blow it up for him!

Kids on Leashes

I don't care what anyone says...putting your kids on a leash is NOT okay. When you put these "harnesses" you may be fooled into thinking that it is for their own safety, and a great idea. If that was so, why did the companies who make these "Kid Leashes" decide to dress it up and disguise them as bookbags made out of stuffed animals? Could it be possible that they realized the marketing disaster that they were about to encounter by making a LEASH FOR A CHILD? The little bear backpack isn't fooling anyone, if you have a piece of fabric attached to your child, congratulations, you have your kid on a leash. This is the message that I am sure these manufacturers wanted you to think you were sending to the world by purchasing their "Great new invention"!

1. You are a responsible parent: No more worrying about your child running into the road or getting snatched up in the park.

2. You are stylish: Whether you color code their leash to match their outfit that day or whether you dress it up as a cuddly little dog, you kid will beg you to put on this must have baby accessory.

3. You love your child: How could you not? You would go so far as to put a harness and a leash on them!

What is the real message that you are sending out to all of us who have to watch you walk your kids on a leash?

1. You are irresponsible: The only way you can make sure that you can talk on the cell phone/shop/smoke/or do any other activity without losing your child in tow is to attach them to yourself. Why hold your child when you can walk them?

2. You are NOT fashion forward: I mean...would YOU want to wear a leash? Even if Gucci designed it I am pretty sure none of us would want to be attached to our love ones by 5 feet of fabric.

3. You love your kid: But not so much so that you have to be bothered with watching them at all times. Added bonus, now yo don't have to get a dog, it's almost like you already have one!

To be honest, I wouldn't even want to walk my dog on a harness, I just feel like they look so restricted. I feel so awful when I see kids on a leash, especially when they are about 5 feet in front of their kids and they aren't even really watching them. So the next time you see a leash for your kid on sale, walk away...walk far, far away!! (Meanwhile, what store sells these leashes?! I can't imagine the other things that they sell there...possibly food bowls for kids to eat out of off of the floor?

Google Vs. Bing

I would love to work at Google and see what people search for everyday and then look at what triggered that mass search. I wonder what the people at Google think about the state of the world when things like "Cop Without a Badge" bombarded the search engine. Or more importantly what they thought the second time around when "Cop Without a Badge" was the hottest search of the day after Teresa's table flip. Or when "If You Seek Amy" became a notable search when everyone knew there was more than meets the eye to Britney's new song. Or when people started Googling "Bing" and essentially defeating the purpose of Bing altogether!

Without Google I am not sure how I would get my information. I Google everything, from restaurants, to recipes, to life's most pressing questions! I'm not falling for this "Bing" thing. There wasn't anything different that I could see in my search results and to be quite honest, I like the plain white of Google and the every changing logo. It's like a surprise each time, like unwrapping a little mystery each day, and who doesn't love presents?

If Google and Bing got into a fight, let's be honest...Google would kick Bing's ass!

Where Can I Find That?

As the flu takes hold of my body and keeps me as a hostage in my apartment on probably 5 of the most beautiful days so far this year I am left with nothing to do but sleep, watch movies, watch TV, sleep, online shop, and sleep some more.

So while I was doing a little wardrobe update online (I mean eventually I have to be healthy enough to leave the white walls of my apartment and join society again right?) I thought to myself, "I have a lot of dresses, but I hardly ever wear them, that's a shame." This thought was quickly followed by, "OH, a new dress, that would make me feel better!" I think that the flu takes all logic from your brain and stomps on it daily, that must be where the awful headaches come from. So, I looked and I looked, but nothing was really whetting my appetite for a dress that I knew I didn't really need, but definitely wanted. Then I remembered the dress that I wanted!Alas, the germ warfare takeover has made Internet searching a weak spot for me since I am too tired to type for too long, or to look at the screen for too long. So I send out a mission to all of you out there listening (and since I have only been communicating through my phone recently, I really hope there is someone out there listening, it is very lonely being sick in your studio apartment). Where or where did Bethenny get that dress that she wore to the reunion show? I am obsessed with it. It was such a cute color and I loved the layered look of it, for those of you that know me personally this should not come as a shock, I love layering.

While you are all feverishly searching and I just fight off my fever, let's talk about that reunion show. During the RH of Orange County reunion Lynne did a lot to make up for her ditsy persona on the show, so much so in fact that I believed that it was editing that made her look this way. So I thought there must be some hope for Kelly, right? I mean she didn't start off so bad...she did end up WAY bad though.

So, what did this reunion show do for her? Absolutely NOTHING! I didn't think it was possible, but she ended up making herself look even worse and crazier. Each housewife seemed to have a major problem with her, which wasn't so evident on the show but clear during the reunion. What is with that lady? I mean, does she really think saying "So and so is a beautiful lady," would really win the chilly hearts of the housewives, let alone millions of viewers who didn't even love to hate her, but instead just hate her? She might be certifiable...which leads me to believe that she will be back next season. Reality TV loves their villains, but to be honest, watching Kelly was just stressful and tiring and I am not sure that I can watch another season of that, and that is NOT the flu talking. Although had I watched her while I had the flu, I am quite certain it would have induced a stress coma.

"Maybe I Should Move Out West..."

Um...I haven't looked at a map lately, but I was pretty sure that California was on the west coast, right? Well either Spencer and Heidi do not live in California anymore, or Spencer needs a geography lesson.

When Spencer met Heidi's gun toting father he decided that he needed to move out west where he could beat up any guy to "look out for his family". It's the "code of the west" according to Heidie's dad. (I thought it was the code of the mafia, but I am a NY girl so what do I know?) Of course Spencer would get along with someone who believes that God invented the Colt 45 so that guys like Spencer would treat his daughter right, I mean doesn't Spencer believe almost the same thing. Spencer thinks that Colt 45 Malt Liquor was invented by God so that guys like him could cheat on girls like Heidi? (If you don't remember, it doesn't really count right? Stacey, can you weigh in on this?)

But who knows? Maybe Spencer has just finally realized that the living in the middle of the ocean with the sharks would not only make him happiest, but everyone else as well and he doesn't need a lesson in 5th grade American geography.

Confessions of a Compulsive Liar

There is something strangely intriguing about a compulsive liar. It's strange how someone who lies every once in a while is seen as a bad person who can never be trusted again. A person that you despise and commonly refer to as a deceitful person. Yet, however, a compulsive liar seems only to be put on this earth to entertain. Now, I admit, it's obvious to see the distinction. With a every-once-in-a-while liar you never know if you are going to get the truth, therefore forever breaking down your trust. They are risky people to be around because you are unaware whether or not their actions for that day are going to be full of malice and be hurtful. On the other hand, a compulsive liar is nothing if he is not consistent. You are already under the impression that nothing that will leave this person's mouth is to be trusted, therefore you never have to pose the question, "Will I be able to trust what so and so says today?" It also seems strangely refreshing...stay with me here, I know most people are not fans of compulsive liars, but we do tend to be fans of those who are consistent. We have to give the C.L. credit, he does stay on a straight and narrow path.

Coach on survivor is one C.L. that we loved to watch. His stories on this season charmed us, simply because he believed them to be true. There in lies the scariest, but what I find the most fascinating, part of the C.L.. To themselves they actually believe all the lies are true, so therefore, theoretically, aren't they telling the truth?

I used to know a C.L. who's sole mission everyday was to tell another fantastical story to which there couldn't possibly be any truth. As annoying as it could be to hear of adventures which never occurred you had to give him credit for coming up with the stories that he told, an imagination like that is hard to find in an adult. Yes, at first it was annoying, I mean, did he actually think that we were all so stupid that we believed his stories? However, once I found out that the other people that were around him daily didn't in fact buy into his tales, it became an interesting part of my day. It was a bit like being back in kindergarten where we would have story time, although many of his stories included bodily injury and I am quite sure Mrs. Anderson would not have approved of such language, but nevertheless they became entertaining. If C.L.s weren't entertaining there wouldn't be a place for people like Coach or Jonny Fairplay on TV, but there is! So I say, next time you start to realize that someone is a compulsive liar, go with it, enjoy it, and remember you can always trust that they wont be telling the truth!

When Laundry Becomes "UnFun"

I had a conversation with a twelve year old today (shocker). It went like this:

Kid: I have to do laundry
Me: Why did you run out of clean clothes?
Kid: Yeah, and I asked my mom when she was going to do my laundry and she said, "If you want it so badly do it yourself."
Me: Hahaha! I bet you wish you didn't ask that now, right?
Kid: NO!! I am so excited, I always wanted to do my laundry, have my own little basket and walk down the street...

It got me thinking, when exactly does laundry become a fun activity? And then how long after that does reality sink in and laundry becomes something that you dread each week? When does laundry become something that forces you to go to the store and buy new socks just to prolong the activity for a few more days? And just when does the idea of doing laundry become so bad that you would rather make the worst decision of your life and turn a pair of boxers inside out?

When I was in camp I couldn't wait until my year as the oldest bunk. The oldest girls had everything. They had the overnight trips, they were significantly taller, prettier, and cooler than the rest of us, the boys liked them, and most importantly, once a week they got to leave camp to go to a laundry mat to do their own laundry. Now granted, the largest appeal here was that you could leave camp, get ice cream, and see civilization, but for some reason the oldest girls would also legitimately enjoy doing their laundry. They would not send their laundry to the cleaning service that did it for us and would save it up to do their own.

During my last year at camp I came to the realization that at least one of the reasons for this was because you were finally fed up with receiving someone elses underwear in your clean laundry and then at the same time horrified that one of yours had gone missing. Going out to do your own laundry saved your from weekly panic attacks when you thought that a boy from our brother camp could have gotten your teeny bra with your name tag stitched into it like a scarlet letter. Those outings were more than just laundry, ice cream, and the equivalent of a free Valium, they were our time to be grown up and bond.

The charm would last for about two weeks when you returned home, until you realized that having mom wash and fold your laundry was a much more attractive notion. So, why was it that during the 98 degree dog days of summer in Massachusetts would us girls patiently wait for our exciting outing to a sweltering laundry mat? What was it that made us as excited as the 12 year old I talked to today?

The answer is: rarity. It's the same reason that my mom always says, "Bring home your laundry I would love to do it for you, I miss it" and then promptly changes her mind when I inhabit the house for more than three days. Her mantra then turns into an evil hissing snake when it becomes, "Pretend like you are at your apartment and I am not here, who does your laundry then?" or "Sure, you can do your laundry, you know where the machine is." When laundry becomes an sporadic practice it doesn't suck to have to do it, it almost seems like a treat. However, the moment it becomes a chore, the cold sweats of camp days past returns and you will stop at nothing to prolong the activity.

Who Knew?

Who knew I was a born Jazz lover? I mean I always knew deep down inside, but it took me a while to refine my taste and then really figure out that this was the music I loved the best. It all started with Nina Simone and then moved onto more current versions like Corrine Baily Rae and Amy Winehouse, but today I found the most wonderful Jazz artist. Not only is she a great singer, but she has an inspiring story to back all her soul up.

Melody Gardot, like Kanye, started her music career after being in a serious car accidentt. At 19, it looked as though fashion student Melody wouldn't be walking, talking, and certainly not singing anytime soon. However, listen to her music today and one can clearly see that she overcame all of those things to create a wonderful, soulful, smoky, sultry career.

For months I have been asking everyone, "What kind of music do they play at Pottery Barn?" I knew all of the classic Jazz and Blues artists, but I wanted to know who sang the new stuff and what it was being categorized as. Today I learned...I am a Jazz girl, and Melody Gardot taught me that!

Which Should Cause Mass Hysteria More?

Let's bring it to court!

What is worse...The fact that some young girls look up to Paris Hilton as an idol or the fact that she thinks that Swine Flu can be contracted from eating pork?

Judgment: I am going to have to go with a ringer here. It seems as though neither concern will win this battle, but instead this will take the pork-free cake. Some guy is employed to ask Paris about Swine Flu and we are all riveted and stuck to the screen while we await her answer. In conclusion, our interest in her response is more likely to be a means for mass hysteria. (How's everything with Douuuug? Come on guy!)

Real Housewives Observation Report #3

Observing the Unobservable!

Didn't Kelly watch last years season of Real Housewives? I think that it would be safe to say that doing your research would be a good idea before getting yourself involved in something like this. With Kelly though, I think it is also safe to say that you should always expect the unexpected.

Last year Alex was in hot water for bringing Simon to a girls night, so when Luann invited Kelly to a girls night with her two (way too) young nieces you would think that she would come solo, or even bring a girlfriend along, but did she? Of course not! She invited Max, who, to be quite honest, kind of annoys me, although I am not sure why. It could be because he thinks that Kelly is amazing, buuuuut...I'm not really boarding that crazy plane just yet (I heard they serve that kool-aid, and I am strictly a don't drink the crazy kool-aid kind of girl). Lucky for Kelly, Max knew his place, and maybe even Kelly did as well, and he left just as soon as he appeared. So for a while, I was okay (in the vaguest sense of the word) with Kelly.

However, Kelly made sure to bring my feelings back to their original point of origin when she and Bethenny had a sit down to clear the air. Bethenny had good intentions going into the conversation, but just like last time Kelly went loco. She had absolutely no recollection of her bad behavior in their previous conversation, it was a little bit like watching a seventh grader mixed with a senile 90 year old. She was freaking out and once again avoiding any real conversation. If she is having problems airing her dirty laundry on TV she should have thought about that before signing up for this experience, but I think it is more of a deep seeded CRAZY issue! I mean, the girl can't talk about ANYTHING. Let's review the things Kelly doesn't want to do:

*She doesn't want go to dinner on a date
*She doesn't want to answer the question "have you been on more than one date with Max"
*She doesn't want to dress too provocatively because she has children, yet basically wore underwear and a bustier on TV
*She doesn't want to talk to Bethenny
*She doesn't want her daughters to wear mismatched clothes, even if it means they have to wear a sweater in 90 degree weather
*She doesn't want to lend her name to any charity events
*She doesn't want to admit that Allie, Jill Zarin's daughter, is not a KID!


What does she want to do other than look crazy on TV?

So Conclusion:

Kelly Bensimone Observation Report
Behavior: Erratic
Tact: Non-existent
Argument #2 with Bethenny: Lost yet again
Class: Lost, she not only broke girl code, but has yet again turned a positive conversation into a pointless one.

The Swine Flu

With the recent on-set of Pig Flu the Board of Education was kind enough to send an email out with some answers to the commonly asked questions about this confusingly named virus. Most kids are under the impression that they can no longer eat HAM-burgers, not realizing that the tasty treat actually comes from a cow. (In case you were wondering, yes, they do think that hot dogs are completely safe to eat during the Swine Flu Scare) However, given that these students are mislead and Swine Flu cannot be contracted through eating pork products we needed to get the word out there for them.

Let me summarize, in the event of a national health emergency the precautions that should be taken are the following:

Wash your hands
Stay away from sick people

Oh...so basically I can avoid getting this potentially deadly virus, which has caused two NYC schools to shut down already, and has caused Pres Obama to declare a national health emergency, by....washing my hands. Oh, and of course, staying away from sick people.

Basically, I must treat Swine Flu like a subway ride. And although people preaching that the world is coming to an end most likely will not give me Swine Flu, I think I will stay away from them on the subway as well.

We Need More Jews in Sports

Growing up almost everyone had someone in sports to relate to, little boys of all kinds have Larry Bird and Michael Jordan to look up to...they could see themselves in these men. For the dorky kids there was Chi Chi Rodriguez, for the cool kids there was Sammy Sosa, but what about the Jewish kids? Who did we have to look up to?

The girls we given some hope with Kerri Strug, but who else was there? Bad news for the boys, they didn't want to wear a leotard when they grew up, but at least we had something. Something real, something well known, but the boys had nothing of real substance!

Sure we had many sports casters to look up to, but we didn't want to be on the side-lines, we wanted to be in the action. Plus none of us wanted to grow up to become a cross dresser who bit people, that just wasn't the type of sports exposure we were all going for.

Boys wanted something real like Kerri Strug, they wanted a Michael Jordan-Goldberg, someone who got air and fasted on Yom Kippur. Someone who had a shoe deal and a bar mitzvah! Well, look no further boys of yesterday and today, the Jets have given us all hope that Jews CAN be football players...with their mom's permission of course!

(oh and speaking of sports, why not try out the BethandTaxes basketball jersey?)

Now You Know

Flea Markets

So being in Florida for a while I naturally started thinking "Why on Earth are flea markets called flea markets?" So, as usual, I used my dear friend Google to try and figure out the answer to life's biggest question. Okay, not really life's biggest question, but the biggest question in my mind right now. So what did I come up with?Apparently no one really knows, but there are three schools of thought out there.

The first theory was during the time when the Paris alleys and slums were destroyed and replaced new by new construction (much like how in South Florida a massive amount of new construction is built after trees are demolished...hmmm....I think I see a pattern here) the residents who lived there needed to flee, much like the alligators, birds, and other woodland creatures do in Florida. The residents were dealers in second-hand goods and needed to sell their goods in a new place which were now named "flee markets" for the fleeing residents.

The second theory was that there were markets in NYC during the 18th century called Fly Markets. Now this is where it gets a tiny bit confusing, apparently, the Dutch name for the market was vlie, which means valley but is pronounced "flea." How is Vlie pronounced as flea? And why does it seem to sound so much like vile?

The third theory is that in Paris there were large outdoor bazaars called French Marché aux Puces. When you translate that into English, it literally translates into Market of Fleas, why? Well...they sold products that were infested with the icky little critters.

So which do you buy? I think all three seem to be viable options, but I think that given the knock 'em down and build 'em up theory that is so similar to the Florida construction I am going to go with theory number one...basically because it is so entertaining.

Now you know...P.S. Get excited NYC it is almost Street Fair time. (Little known fact, a lot of people from Florida Flea Markets also have booths in NYC Street Fairs. Business Travels!)

(Info from I did not know that yesterday)

Dancing With the Stars

Tell me that Melissa Rycroft and Shawn Johnson couldn't be sisters. I think that if someone told me that Shawn was Melissa's younger sister I would definitely believe it.

Meanwhile, Melissa has a boyfriend now, so take that Jason!! Ugh, I still cringe when I think about that "After the Last Rose" special.

Oh and to add some salt to his wounds, because really he deserves it, not only did Melissa give him a piece of her mind on TV, but her emails to the bad-chelor were leaked to the Internet.

Oh...let's make it even juicer you say? Done! The oranges are freshly squeezed! Molly may be breaking up with Jason. or possibly already did this weekend! Happy Easter Jason!

Real Housewives NYC Observation Report #2

Observing the Unobservable!

We already covered observation report #1, in which I decided that the Countess must have had a temporary memory lapse when she forgot the "classy" way to talk to kids. Now on to something I am sure the Countess would also disapprove of...her new found friend's fight with Bethenny. (P.S. Don't we all just love Bethenny because we share a name?! I know I do!)

Kelly, who also seems to think she knows what the right thing is all the time already made a slight fool out of herself when she referred to Ali's arthritis as "cute" and then went into a rant about not lending her name to anything. Now, I get it, she wants to make sure that she has time to actually put into a charity before putting her name on it, and to be honest I think it is pretty great that she only wants to be involved when she is actually involved. She seems to be the type of person who likes to get her hands dirty when becoming involved in something instead of just throwing money at the problem, and that I respect, but the way it came off on TV, not so much. However, that's not even what I am concerned about, her behavior when she confronted Bethenny about the "Madonna" comment was nothing short of erratic. The "sit down" was too Tony Soprano for me. It was never meant to solve anything or to clear the air, instead it was meant to intimidate and tell Bethenny off. (Only the later seemed to come through at the end of the day, albeit, not very well though. I am not sure anyone could intimidate Bethenny.) The only thing that stopped this from being a mafia hit was the actual mafia hit, but everything else was there.

First there was the reminder of status, all good mafia men need to make sure that they show their enemies and disciples who is boss, which Kelly did by telling Bethenny that she was here (hand really high) and that Bethenny was here (hand really low). But what did she mean by that? Social status? Moral status? Or was it just a simple statement about their height differences?

Next there was the "clearing of the air". This is when the mob boss lets his people know where they now stand and what they did wrong. "We will never be friends!" Um, I think Bethenny knew that already, and to be quite honest, I think she was also pretty okay with that she just had enough decency not to have a sit down to spell it out. The writing was already there, Kelly didn't really need to read it to her.

Let's talk about Bethenny's response to this for a second, now in real mob world, there would be no answer, but that's not how Bethenny rolls, she is just too strong for that, instead, she gives a confused look saying with her eyes "and your point is?" See she already knew this, again, NO NEED FOR THE READ ALOUD Kelly!!

Then there was the warning, this was when she told her not only were they not friends, but that they wouldn't be and that she would just like it better if Bethenny had nothing to do with her. Really Kelly? I am sure that Bethenny is a-okay with that, and something tells me she was on that path anyways, Kelly just made sure that she put up some unnecessary road signs on the way.

Then we get to the breakdown, which hardly ever happens to the mob boss in public, especially not in front of those that he has just given a warning too (Even Tony Soprano only saved that behavior for his shrink), but maybe this comes because Kelly didn't get to follow through with her "hit" on Bethenny, that crazy aggression needed to get out somehow. So she proceeds to tell a very calm Bethany, who has already moved on to more important things like checking her Blackberry, because she has a job (not a housewife, and not a wife, but entertaining nevertheless) to calm down...while visibly shaking...honey, I think you need to calm down, but alas she will go on a date to calm her down....a date in which she will complain about her girl problems and talk a million miles a minute both qualities that ANY guy would just love. (Read: no guys would like this, they would refer to this as "crazy" behavior, which most women are already in the eyes of men, so thank you Kelly for proving them right while the rest of us desperately try to disprove that stigma).

So conclusion:

Kelly Bensimone Observation Report
Behavior: Unsatisfactory
Tact: Unsatisfactory
Class: Unsatisfactory
Argument: Lost

Bethany Frankel Observation Report
Behavior: Confused, but understandably so
Keeping Cool: In tact
Argument: Won: Clearly Kelly DID know who Bethenny was and clearly did harbor some bad feelings towards her, just like she suspected.